Working on a screen play that involves zombies invading a prom. I’m calling it “Prom Nom Nom”
GENIE: 3 wishes. But no extra wishes & no sex stuff
Me: why not?
GENIE: I make the rules
ME: I wish I made the rules
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If you start smacking people with your wife’s purse she won’t ask you to hold it for her anymore
Welcome to ghosts anonymous. Nice to see such a spirited turnout.
*all of the ghosts boo in unison*
Not gonna make it, my 7yo wants to tie his own shoes.
I could tell my parents truly loved me as a child. My bath toys were a toaster, radio and a blow dyer.
INTERVIEWER: your resume says that you take things too literally
ME: how the hell did my resume say that?
Me: Have fun on your date.
Son: What if she drinks too much, or gets high?
Me: You really aren’t my kid are you?
You know what would make gang members tougher? Have them start snapping, then do pirouettes in the street.
– Broadway producers
Friday night. Gonna put on my dancing shoes, throw on my coolest shirt, and aimlessly browse Netflix for an hour
Dancing Prime Minister
Dancing Chancellor of the Exchequer
Dancing Lord Privy Seal
-ABBA explores dance vis-a-vis constitutional monarchies