Your honor? My client would like to address the court and ruin everything.
*gets a new lease on life*
*misses first payment*
You Might Also Like
An autocorrect with a pulse is called a wife.
don’t smoke pots because they are made of clay and can burn your tongue
I’ll kiss a close talker just to teach them a lesson.
*whispers to old lady at Starbucks*
one time they ran out of coffee here and we ate a baby
I’ve always wanted to buy 2 coffees, take them to a crime scene & while handing 1 to the officer in charge ask, “So, what do we have here?”
Want guests to leave early? Don’t give them your WiFi password
“dont get conned into spendin our lottery money”
[calls wife back]
will 2 sharks fit in our pool?
one shark pls
I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service it’s because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
*walks down street*
*panties drop left and right*
*thinks, “shouldn’t have bought so many panties”*
*picks up panties*