@blaha_Who
@Gorrdano Sorry, I’m using all 43 grocery carts. Use a basket.
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@Gorrdano 
@writerPT It’s my mom’s personal mission in life to save me 20% on all my purchases by clipping out and giving me every coupon known to mankind.
@Spaziotwat [*Wakes up on sofa] “Did I…DID I HAVE A FIGHT WITH BATMAN?”
Wife [from bedroom]: “YOU. PUNCHED. A. NUN.”
@copymama My 8yo just said she’s “lactose intelligent,” so hit her up with any pressing dairy questions.
@hythemafia *Food hits floor*
Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”
King Germ: “No!!! We must wait 5 seconds……”
@TheHatStore [first day in the crime lab]
me: I can’t believe we get to invent new heists
@markydoodoo [spelling bee]
Teacher: your word is forwards
Me: hey wait everyone else only had to spell one
@MrGeorgeWallace Just hired a dirtying lady. About to watch her and my cleaning lady fight it out.
@1AIMMadellynne I was having a good day until my imaginary friend stole my coloring book & crayons & he demands $100 for their return.
What a stressful day!
@dafloydsta [spelling bee]
Your word is ‘condescending’
“Can you use it in a sentence?”
Of course I can. Can YOU?