Girl are you the burning bush?
Cuz you’re hot. And there’s no conceivable reason you should be talking to me.

You Might Also Like


*gets down on 1 knee*
*puts 2nd knee down*
*lays on floor*
*snake noises*
*slithers out of relationship*


Why are all podcasts “two best friends” I want a podcast that’s Two sworn enemies. Just two bitches that absolutely hate each other


Therapist: Do u ever feel like hurting yourself
Me: No
T: What about other people


she’s a 10 but excel thinks she’s an October


Everybody please go potty because after we rob this bank we’re not gonna stop again for a while


-currently looking for an adult
-Realizing I’m an adult
-Now looking for an older adult
-Someone successful at adulting
-An adultier adult


The sign at the pool says,
Children Under 12 Require Supervision.

I guess anyone over 12 is allowed in with only normal eyesight.


Me: That was fun! Fist me!

Him: What?!

Me: Fist me!! *holds out knuckles*

Him: …..