@MyFairCharity Men and women CAN be just friends. But only if one of them is ugly.
@ACartoonCat Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you, it’s the way you have to make everything into a joke. I can’t do it any more, I’m just too tired
Me: *sadly* like a bicycle?
Ex Girlfriend:…
You Might Also Like
@MyFairCharity 
@dom_dot_dom A Serial Killer Known For Ripping Out Tounges Entered The Buzzfeed Office And What He Did Next Left Us Speechless
@NicolaJSwinney Leaflet through the door telling me I can enjoy sex at 75. Which is handy, because I live at number 81.
@XplodingUnicorn I played Dungeons and Dragons with my daughters.
They were supposed to fight the wolves surrounding a town.
Instead, they fed the wolves and turned them into their friendly wolf army.
Girls, man. They’ll take over the world.
@Tmoney68 To make a long story short, just walk away once you’re bored.
@QwertyJones3 I joined a poker tournament with a bunch of people who do origami. I’m gonna dominate, cause these guys always fold.
@AlottaInfo Take revenge, crap on a pigeon.
@sarcasticmommy4 Sometimes passing by a nursing home is the only reminder I need to go buy my kids whatever they want.
@Donna_McCoy It’s like campers and hikers don’t understand that nature will come to you if you just don’t mow the lawn.
@DartsBofficial Surprise sex is by far the best thing to wake up to! …Unless you’re in prison.