@ACartoonCat

Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you, it’s the way you have to make everything into a joke. I can’t do it any more, I’m just too tired

Me: *sadly* like a bicycle?

Ex Girlfriend:…

You Might Also Like

@dom_dot_dom

A Serial Killer Known For Ripping Out Tounges Entered The Buzzfeed Office And What He Did Next Left Us Speechless

@NicolaJSwinney

Leaflet through the door telling me I can enjoy sex at 75. Which is handy, because I live at number 81.

@XplodingUnicorn

I played Dungeons and Dragons with my daughters.

They were supposed to fight the wolves surrounding a town.

Instead, they fed the wolves and turned them into their friendly wolf army.

Girls, man. They’ll take over the world.

@Tmoney68

To make a long story short, just walk away once you’re bored.

@QwertyJones3

I joined a poker tournament with a bunch of people who do origami. I’m gonna dominate, cause these guys always fold.

@sarcasticmommy4

Sometimes passing by a nursing home is the only reminder I need to go buy my kids whatever they want.

@Donna_McCoy

It’s like campers and hikers don’t understand that nature will come to you if you just don’t mow the lawn.

@DartsBofficial

Surprise sex is by far the best thing to wake up to! …Unless you’re in prison.