ME: I want to take long walks with you.
HER: Aww…are you a romantic?
ME: No, I don’t have a car.
Girls are like strawberries. Sometimes they’re at the grocery store
You Might Also Like
[2011, pakistan, seal team 6 enters the compound]
“chief, something has brought the boys to the yard”
bin laden [making a milkshake]: SHIT
Maybe wear your heart on the other sleeve, that one has mustard on it.
In Hell, you cannot peel off the colors on a Rubik’s Cube to solve it
Marriage Tip: Always be dumber than your spouse at math so you don’t have to help your kid with his math homework.
Last time I went to confession, the priest made me pause so he could open the urban dictionary on his phone.
She’s got a great personality!
It’s the other 6 personalities that I’m worried about….
Not to brag, but I can unhook a bra using just a bent paper clip, some WD-40, and my reading glasses.
police: im sorry to both of you. your son set the school on fire.
police: yes, your son.
The roof of my mouth just healed from a McDonald’s apple pie I had in 1999