Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day. Teach a 4 year old how to turn on the TV and you can sleep for an extra hour.
You Might Also Like
Bruce Wayne: hey, how would you like to take a ride in my batmobi—I mean…brucemobile?
Bruce: my regular normal carmobile
My latest missile blew up on the launch pad.
But it exploded so fast Americav couldn’t tell what type it was.
I’m not telling.
C’mon, when have I ever let you down? That was rhetorical, actually. Yes, that is a lot. Wow, did not expect you to bring out a chalkboard.
Sometimes I put my workout gear on and watch tv because it’s the thought that counts.
I used to hate flying. I thought the plane would go down. But now I just bring my wife with me on the plane because my wife never goes down.
I don’t know if this is a good idea.
Narrator: He knew, in fact, it was an awful idea.
The scar above my left eyebrow is from jumping out of a car to escape a Phil Collins song.
Me: Do you want to meet your sisters at the bus stop?
5: *doesn’t look up* I already know them.
I didn’t get you a gift bag, I LENT you a gift bag. Now get your crap out of it and give it back without any crinkles.