Am I fun? No. Interesting? No. Dateable? Yes. I’d place me late 20th century.
Give a man a fish, he eats today.
Teach a man to fish, he gets drunk in a boat.
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if you’ve ever wanted to know what a violent mugging feels like, i’d highly recommend inviting my friends & their 2 toddlers over for dinner one night.
“Release the Kraken!”
“We released him. He just took off. It’s not like he was trained or anything.”
“Release the tuna!”
This kinda thing happens to me often
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
What’s the difference between a $20 steak and a $85 steak?
“Yeah, those black pants are okay. They just need a little something. Hang on..”
[rubs up against your leg] “that’s better”
Me: Your generation sits around with their noses in their phones
Niece: Your generation made the guys who wrote the Macarena rich
Things Women Over 30 Should Never Wear
1. exploding glove
2. ham sandwich
3. flaming fireplace
4. Dead bird helmet
6. shark eggs
Sir do you know how fast you were going?
MY DOG IS IN LABOR!
Oh! In that case *scribbles*
Here is a ticket for littering.