
me: pls don’t do that
kids: [do it anyway]
me: I told you not to do that
kids: are you new
me: pls don’t do that
kids: [do it anyway]
me: I told you not to do that
kids: are you new
I feel sorry for the Phillip whose head inspired the screwdriver.
Good cop “If you confess maybe we can cut you some sort of deal…”
Crab cop *walks sideways off the table*
why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo. who has hair on their shoulders. whos shampooing their shoulder hair. please come forward
I got picked on in Highschool: I was cut from the football team & failed the cheerleading tryouts on the same day they fired me as principal
It was nice of Microsoft to put their name on Excel after satan created it.
Both her name and her living situation suggests that the dwarves MAY have been referring to Snow White when they sang, ‘high ho.’
My 9-year-old brought a guinea pig to the table for lunch. Then she left to get something from the kitchen. Now the guinea pig and I are just staring at each other. Awkward lunch for two.
What if aliens have already visited our planet, and made contact with the most intelligent species, and it’s just not us?
When a man tries to hug me hello or goodbye I whisper in his ear “tip to tip” and sigh as we embrace to ensure we never do it again.