@tchrquotes Every atom in your body is born in a star, traveled millions of light years, & through an amazing process became you. & you watch Teen Mom.
@deadndreaming God I hate condescending assholes!
(Condescending is like when smart people talk down to you to try and make you feel stupid)
You Might Also Like
@tchrquotes 
@KrunkedRobot Just told everybody in the bar to shut the hell up so my date could hear the full effect of my velcro wallet opening.
@DanMentos *orders a medium pizza*
*opens box*
PIZZA: I’ve contacted your late grandmother. She wants you to know-
*eats pizza*
@mrjohndarby [on honeymoon in Paris]
Her: Look, there’s the Eiffel Tower
Me: Wait, I thought you said you’d never been to Paris before?
@sad_tree “Dad what IS the moon?”
It is cheese. Delicious cheese. Thats why rats come out at nite, to look at it. We must never let rats on the moon.
@Reverend_Scott Love is that feeling you get when you meet that special someone who hates all of your friends.
@LocalButtLiker “Where does it hurt?” the doctor asked.
“Right Ear” replied the Englishman, pointing to his broken ankle.
@ObscureGent When I was younger I wished Hulk Hogan would be the president. Now that I’m older I wish Hulk Hogan would be the president.
@BruceForce *shows buyers around my home*
This is where I do all my crying but you can cry anywhere really
@NamestartswithZ MENTOR: I am now sponsored by Cheetos, but it shan’t affect my wise counsel
ME: How can I become-
MENTOR: Dangerously cheesy? Glad you asked