@HisDulcinea
@madhurarrao Thinking about the time a professor commented ‘please justify in the final version’ on my draft and I spent around a 1000 words justifying what I wrote but turns out all she wanted was for me to justify the text alignment ðŸ˜
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@madhurarrao 
@TheIronSherk Raspberry buy guitar
Raspberry take lessons
Raspberry answer ad
Raspberry show up at drummer’s house
Raspberry plug in
Raspberry Jam
@o__0Dev I tried a vegan recipe book last night. It was much tastier than any of the recipes in it.
@SadPeruna If I was a magician I’d ask someone in the audience for a $20 bill and then just run away. You could prob make like $40 doing that.
@LurkAtHomeMom Me: what should I do?
Dentist: stop eating sugar, drinking coffee and wine, cut back on stress..
Me: right but like realistically
@BrainSeducer Guys, don’t take the first step cause girls hate that easy guy. Also, you must take the first step cause they hate the shy one. Good luck!
@noog Batman: Put the gun down NOW.
Joker: Say please. Didn’t mommy teach you any mann… Oh right, she couldn’t.
Batman: SON OF A…
Joker: Dead mom?
@notalogin My favorite part of a date is the sweet, seedy flesh. Wait, sorry, that’s my favorite part of a fig, I always get figs and dates mixed up.
@onion_an Me: I’ve lost my kitten
Cop: How would you best describe him?
Me: He looks like a miniature cat
@3sunzzz You can’t leave the aquarium with a penguin.
It’s a stuffed animal I got in the gift shop.
Ma’am, it’s moving.
I GOT IT IN THE GIFT SHOP!