@AndyAsAdjective [restaurant]
can I get 8 single slices of pepperoni pizza please?
-how bout just one whole pizza instead?
oh no I can’t eat a whole pizza
@skittle624 Going on vacation is so expensive, but Camp Crystal Lake has the greatest deal this weekend. So I figured, why not? What’s the worst that can happen?
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@AndyAsAdjective 
@Tmoney68 [Naming Days Meeting]
Guy 1: We need a name for the last one.
Guy Who Named Wednesday: Sudnaday?
Guy 1: Not one more goddamn word, Barry.
@KonaSlater “nft” sounds like an onomatopoeia of a little toot sneaking out
@velweb My 12 yr. old girl is having a sleepover tonight.
She told me, “DO NOT EMBARRASS ME!”
I’m considering twerking to Ace of Base later.
@vanleygoodtakes I saw my Subway artist drinking absinthe in the alley behind the shop. This sandwich gonna be a masterpiece.
@UNDEADTRESOR The Victoria’s Secret models should use their wings to fly to a food source.
@FatherWithTwins You know what this new carpet needs? For me to open a tube of blue toothpaste, and jump up and down on it.
– My 4yo. Apparently.
@Clanopath If you insist on changing someone, do it without their knowledge….Like by poisoning their food.
@TheTweetOfGod THE TOP TEN WORDS OF 2012!!
1. End
2. Of
3. Year
4. Top
5. Ten
6. Lists
7. Are
8. Exercises
9. In
10. Stupidity
@SoulYodeler You don’t know awkward and uneasy until you’ve seen the way I hold a cat.