*storms out of office bathroom*
*slams roll of single-ply toilet paper on boss’s desk*
I CAN’T WORK LIKE THIS
gonna pet so many people’s dogs while they’re distracted looking at the eclipse
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My mind’s telling me “No!” But my body, my body’s telling me “There’s that chicken salad in the fridge.”
Life keeps reminding me that I have no idea what I’m doing
netflix: are you still watching
netflix: then can i watch what i want now
imagine if poop was transparent. I’d completely lose my shit
every single person who owns two cats has one beautiful idiot and one terrifying demon plotting a coup
I can’t believe that as a kid, I was excited about being an adult. Kids are stupid.
Stands at the gates of hell.
Waves to my mother in law.
I walked into a room full of men and they couldn’t stop staring at me.
There is safety in numbers, “TWENTY SIX” I yell at my burglar.