Good News: It wasn’t a colon polyp.

Bad News: somewhere, a craigslist escort is missing a press-on nail.

You Might Also Like


Waiting for a mannequin with a gut so I can really see how that shirt will look on me.


Well, at least my kids are finding new and exciting ways to make my two college degrees meaningless.


Just showed my 4 yo niece that I can still do a cartwheel and now she is showing me where the ice packs are.


Nervously, I close the bag. “No way,” I tell myself. “It’s not like she’s gonna count the fries.” I start to sweat.


So quick to claim someone on your taxes yet so slow to make them a snack.


Many English names are derived from occupations, like Fletcher (arrow maker), Cooper (barrel maker), or Cunningham (tricky pig).


Coworker: Stop

Me: collaborate and listen

Coworker: Don’t

Me: you forget about me

Coworker: Hey!

Me: teacher, leave them kids alone


I’m trying to envision something more fitting than this election actually ending in a Biden-Trump fist fight and i cannot


Donald Trump is probably the closest we’ll ever get to electing Eric Cartman president.


The best thing about the first day at a new job is nobody knows I only have one outfit.