Her: You are a good looking guy
My brain: She likes you don’t make this weird
My mouth: You too
My brain: He shoots and hits a baby in the upper bleachers
Goodnight moon, goodnight stars, goodnight perfectly normal Purple Rain album cover where Prince’s eyes follow u across the room
You Might Also Like
I never believed in reincarnation before but… Dad?
*rubs magic lamp, genie appears*
“You get 2 wishes.”
I wish I got 3 wishes.
“Your wish is granted.”
“You have 2 left.”
*pushes vending machine over
NO YOU’RE OUT OF ORDER!
Our baby doubled age in a single day. If my calculations are correct, a month from now she’ll be about 3 million years old.
Top advice for résumés: Be VERY careful with placement of dashes.
Ex. – First-hand job experience = good.
First hand-job experience = bad.
My walk of shame is spending 10 minutes trying to pronounce something at a Mexican restaurant before giving up and ordering tacos.
I’m not trying to be racist but black people are darker than white people.
My husband pays me the highest compliments. Like “WOW! Look at you. You’re dressed.”