[David Attenborough narrating my life]
Once again the young offspring attempts to leave the nest. Once again he has flown into a wall
Got Fired by the Zoo for Teaching all the Sloths Tai Chi
You Might Also Like
~ Me, when choosing a piece of cake or pie
Me: This has been the worst day. Nothing can fix this.
*dog climbs on sofa, puts head in my lap*
M: I have never been happier in my life.
You’d think Bowser would start locking the front door of his castle after the first time Mario just walked right in like he owned the joint.
You can tell A LOT about a Woman’s mood just by looking at her hands…
…for example…If she’s holding a gun? She’s probably pissed.
*Buys map of world, pins up on wall
*Throws dart, swears to visit wherever it lands
*packs for wall 3 feet away
*has an amazing time at wall
Just a friendly reminder!
“911, what’s the emergency?”
we were robbed. they stole the wireless router
also they shot my grandma or something. not sure
When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I’m sure you already know, have a great time!
Rules for a happy marriage:
3. Separate bank accounts
2. Separate data plans
1. Separate bathrooms