@Ginjarella

#growingpains

You Might Also Like

@BadaBinge

My ex gf came from the land down under, no not Australia, Hell.

@MissBamanthaa

Overheard a girl just say she’s full because she ate at 3:00. It’s 6:00. How can you stay full for THREE HOURS, alien?

@tiemoose

[undercover as a mom]

Me: my little Timmy is 6 years old now

Other moms: *narrow eyes*

Me: *sweating* i meant uh, 72 months

@roxiqt

[Before the post office was invented]

SOME GUY: I need someone to deliver an important document

PIGEON: *simply existing*

SOME GUY: You seem trustworthy

@AngieDavisHaha

I feel bitchy.I want to steal your pen,then use it in front of you,while denying it’s your pen.Then leave a note that says “it was your pen”

@LoveNLunchmeat

One time I brought a friend perfume, and later we had a huge falling out. Yes, I was sad, but I also imagined her throwing out her gift and a raccoon finding it. And oddly enough a fancy raccoon wandering around San Francisco wearing YSL perfume makes a lot of things better.

@kamtweeting

Give me a few strong men, and I’ll build a nation. Give me a few hot women, and I’ll conquer the world.

@michimama75

Some parenting days swing very quickly and extremely between “I’d die for my kid” and “I know why some animals eat their young”.

@johnbiehl

I’m not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me “2mer is B-9, woot!”

@TheBoydP

My walk of shame is leaving a handicapped restroom stall while trying not to make eye contact with the wheelchair guy who was waiting on me.