guy inventing chess: this is an allegory for the medieval system of monarchy
guy inventing checkers: hoppity hop, hop hop hop
You Might Also Like
[6:00pm] i will not snack tonight i will not snack tonight i will not snack tonight
[11:00pm] yay i did it!
[11:01pm] *preheats oven*
Hey girl, heaven must be missing an angel….cause it looks like you ate one
For someone who hates the circus, I sure have dated a lot of clowns.
God: i’ll just make it a combined food and air pipe with a little switch flap. That’ll probably work fine
You had me at Whipped Cream Vodka.
Wow so when an ostrich buries head in the sand, it’s alright; but when I do it, I’m arrested for trying to get rid of a murder victim’s body.
Is it because I’m brown??
“I will look for you. I will find you. And I will kill you.” -Liam Neeson opening a Where’s Waldo book
Facilitator: Any questions about the sexual harrassment course before we start?
*raises hand*
Me: Is “harass” one word or two?
F:
Me: Thx
I don’t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGIFriday’s once a month and glue more shit to the wall no one notices try it
You know before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.
The weather is turning so I’ve swapped out my daughter’s summer outfits for cooler-weather clothes and my son’s shorts for his other shorts.
Pee your name in the snow and you’ll quickly understand why they teach cursive in our schools.
Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cuz kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.
Save money on your next colon exam, grammar police do it for free
Got kicked out of the army for calling my bulletproof jacket a hardigan.
Edward Scissorhands: You told me to put my hands up
Me: I said I was sorry
Other rollercoaster riders: *covered in chunks of duck*
Someone suggested that I try Acupuncture. I don’t think adding more pricks will make a difference.
Auto correct changed “group hug” to “grope hug” and I’m not in charge of the team-building exercises any more.
Nice try, private caller. I don’t answer the phone if I know you either.
There are two types of women: the ones who buy cute new clothes for a trip and the ones who pack old stretchy leggings and tops expecting full well to gain 5 lbs in 4 days, of which I am the latter
people naming their orcs with excessive apostrophes like
Quarantine Day 21: Turns out I don’t hate my coworkers as much as I thought I did.
[stands on other side of glass door & ruffles hair as everyone watches, then enters office]
Me: sorry I’m late, I hate this place & everyone here
The world: ok so we are all doing metric and it’s going to work perfectly.
USA: …
World: right?
USA: …
World: RIGHT?
USA: *whispers* I’m really into feet you guys
Somebody accused me of getting by on my looks today and I am going to ride this wave till the shore break pummels me on the sand.
Older generations using outdated references is like younger generations using new slang. Both laugh at the other for not getting it.
Husband: We need to cut back on spending for January. Just stick to the necessities, you know?
Me: *placing an order for snow boots for the dogs* absolutely
[meeting my gf’s parents]
her: *quietly* don’t worry, my dad’s nice but he doesn’t say much[later]
her dad: I love my daughter very a lot
me: i see
*shrugs*
*swipes right*
I used to dream of having my own washer and dryer, three kids later I dream of having my own laundromat