*planning family vacation*
Me: So what about camping?
Them: We love camping!
Me: Great! I’ll drop you off on my way to the spa.
Hello ladies, and welcome to Body By Jake!
Me: “Jake?” *i discreetly shove the cake I brought into my bag & back out of the room*
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To make a long story short, just walk away once you’re bored.
You can’t leave the aquarium with a penguin.
It’s a stuffed animal I got in the gift shop.
Ma’am, it’s moving.
I GOT IT IN THE GIFT SHOP!
My dad just said I should put our dog on “this site– have you been to it?” I went over to the computer. He had written “pomeranians” into Google image search
Customer: Excuse me, are you the manager? Those Xmas Hams are expired
[changes sign to “Vintage Hams”]
Hipster: I’ll take 4
[Watching 101 Dalmatians with a cute girl]
Hold up, hold up. Pause it, please. Thanks. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine,
A little wine does the body good, a lot of wine does the body better!
Me: *gets all four daughters dressed*
Wife: I want everyone in Christmas dresses.
Me: Fine. *puts on my dress*
The kids wanted the Zero Gravity Laser Racer, a toy car that follows a laser.
I handed them a flashlight and pointed at the cat.
You guys know that there are things higher than kites, right?