@Muaythaigirlie

Had a date planned for tonight but he got electrocuted at work.

I’m serious

The things men do to avoid hanging out with me is amazing.

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@DairylandDon

No rule against wearing an old Halloween costume to Thanksgiving. Let your racist uncle talk presidential politics with Donkey from Shrek.

@

I hate being bipolar it’s awesome

@QueenVofCoffee

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend has clearly never worn leggings.

@capnwatsisname

Ran into the librarian I’ve been trying to impress in the Target book section and awkwardly blurted out “I’m just here to buy a TV,” which was way worse of course.

@CynicalTherapi1

As a kid I was forced to deal with the feelings when my dad went to the store for cigarettes and came back every time.

@abbycohenwl

[Buzzfeed for Cats]
6 THINGS THAT WILL MAKE U BOLT FROM THE ROOM
-Vacuum cleaner
-Walls
-The floor
-Air
-Yourself
-Nothing. Nothing at all

@truegritrumble

ME: *pleased* Honey, I folded the dishes.
WIFE:
M:
W: The laundry.
M: No the dish…
W:
M:
W: What?
M: We need new dishes.

@ValeeGrrl

Ah, spring is here. Time to open the windows and remind my neighbors that I know every word to the “Grease” soundtrack.