@handsock_butts

HADES: what happens when Aphrodites hair gets frizzy?
ZEUS: don’t-
HADES: i guess u could call her AFROdite
ZEUS: this is why we banished u

You Might Also Like

@david8hughes

Me: this is shit, I’m changing the channel
Wife: leave the baby monitor alone

@GoldenSpirals

Ask a man if he’s critiquing your work…

Men Who Are Dating say: No, & compliment you.

Single Men say: Yes

Married Men: Try to hide

@GeriatricBeards

[Being kidnapped]
Me: i can feel it.. Stockholm syndrome
kidnapper: its been 10 minutes
me: should we invite your brother to the wedding?

@STRIKINGxVIKING

*Reads about a Salmonella outbreak on lettuce

-NEVER eats Salad again!

*Reads about the dangers of Alcohol poisoning

-NEVER reads again!

@lacybronze1

Why non-smokers don’t take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me

@Parkerlawyer

My husband calls me Sugar and my dog’s name is Sugar so when he says, “C’mere Sugar” there’s an awkward stare down between me and the dog.

@BlondAmbitionTO

When parallel parking, I turn down the radio so I can hear the sound of my car crunching the other car’s bumper.

@ArielDumas

“There Will Be Blood” is my favorite movie that answers the question, “Will blood be there?”

@UNDEADTRESOR

8 hrs sleep: So refreshed
6 hrs: Feeling fine
4 hrs: I will rip your head off for a minor transgression
2 hrs: Why is my boss a Minotaur

@shutupmikeginn

The Willy Wonka grandparents were connected under the covers, like a rat king.