@OnlyFastEddie
@IamEnidColeslaw my favorite game is called “Secret Family.” I go to the movies & sit near a group of strangers & pretend they love me
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@IamEnidColeslaw 
@DonKinderknecht I put my baby on the baby changing station in the bathroom and when I was done, it was the same baby. 🙁
@_lizharvey Something ive learned about being on twitter for 10 years is when a non twitter person sends me content from someone i know and am mutuals with the nice/normal reply is to laugh. Do not say “i know them! They had a tough divorce!”
@Shariv67 All I ask is that when I’m murdered, you make my chalk outline four sizes smaller.
@POTerritory Please tell me there’s a veterinary text on ruminants called Graze Anatomy
@SamGrittner what idiot called it a chicken instead of an eggplant
@PaulyPeligroso Hey, which Instagram filter takes out all the insecurities?
@HanaMichels #MakeAFilmUncomfortable The Godfather – With Benefits
@WilliamAder We’re throwing a surprise retirement party for a guy at the office and the “party” isn’t the surprise.
@UncleDuke1969 gonna be sporting and give tim a five minute head start
