@OnlyFastEddie

Hair pulling during sex is hot unless the whole wig comes off.

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@IamEnidColeslaw

my favorite game is called “Secret Family.” I go to the movies & sit near a group of strangers & pretend they love me

@DonKinderknecht

I put my baby on the baby changing station in the bathroom and when I was done, it was the same baby. 🙁

@_lizharvey

Something ive learned about being on twitter for 10 years is when a non twitter person sends me content from someone i know and am mutuals with the nice/normal reply is to laugh. Do not say “i know them! They had a tough divorce!”

@Shariv67

All I ask is that when I’m murdered, you make my chalk outline four sizes smaller.

@POTerritory

Please tell me there’s a veterinary text on ruminants called Graze Anatomy

@WilliamAder

We’re throwing a surprise retirement party for a guy at the office and the “party” isn’t the surprise.