Hallelujah started playing at church today
Kid behind me: mom this is the Shrek song
Thank god there is still hope for the next generation.
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The first rule of Running Late Club is get stuck behind a Prius.
I hate it when I catch SpongeBob halfway through and I can’t follow the plot
I only tell jokes so someone will explain them to me.
I think I stand a pretty good chance this year. I hear the Simpson kid is down two more toes.
LITTLE MERMAID 2016:
SEA WITCH URSULA: Your voice is mine mwaahahaha!!!
ARIEL: *flicks eyes up; keeps texting*
[simba and nala sit atop pride rock staring at a beautiful sunset]
simba: *pulls engagement ring from his hip pocket* circle of wife amirite!
nala:
simba:
nala: where’d you get a hip pocket?
God..how many exercise videos do you have to buy before you get some results
I just googled “jokes to tell right before you die” and if that doesn’t tell you what kind of person I am, I don’t know what does.
If I plant a McRib can I grow a McWoman?