Han Solo had a much cooler older brother called Drum

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34 year old male arrested for having sex with a clock in the middle of a Target®. now he’s doing time for doing time


Can’t we all just binge watch season 2022 and get it over with?


I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.


People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face.


If i’m in the mood for some jazz i just throw an orchestra down the stairs


Boy becomes Jedi, gets married, turns evil, has twins, becomes Darth Vader, complicated crap, ewoks. Boom, STAR WARS. You’re welcome, girls.


My son just got his brown belt in Tae Kwon Do. If you threaten him, he bows respectfully before he runs.


I don’t consider it a good night out if it doesn’t end up as a super villain’s origin story