@Cpin42

Has science gone too far?

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@aka_fatman

“I have a hard time with faces. One time I mistook a wolf for my dead grandmother LOL!”

– Little Red Riding Hood, talking to a coat rack.

@MoistPork

Ladies, other women should be our allies, not our enemies. Nobody understands the heart of a woman like another woman. You’re still pretty.

@XplodingUnicorn

I have no idea what settings my 1-year-old changed, but she hit random buttons on my keyboard and now I’m a licensed realtor in Pakistan.

@Aspersioncast

Women are like ripe peaches, they don’t keep as well in the refrigerator after they’ve been cut in half.

@jackies_backie

I hate when scientists are like “some insects can see colors we can’t.” Like ok? What colors? Quickly.

@OneStopComedy

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

@THEDUTHCHESS

Woke up last night and the ghost of Gloria Gaynor was standing over my bed. At first I was afraid, i was petrified.

@Darlainky

I lost a contact at the gym and while I was searching for it people started gathering around and long story short I teach yoga now.