@Lisa_Laughs_

He said there was no spark between us, so I tazed him. I’ll ask again when he wakes up.

You Might Also Like

@BirdiePanda

Him: I’m sorry, socks in bed are kind of a deal breaker

Me: wow

My sock puppet: WOW

@GirltoMom

I like to be called a MILF because it’s better than being called a MILTMALIAD. (Mother I’d like to murder and leave in a ditch.)

@YearOfRat

My vocabulary can beat your vocabulary’s ass, arse, bum, buttocks, rear end, booty, backside, tush, tuckus and badonkadonk.

@kelkulus

They should remake The Ring; instead of a tape, the creepy little girl uploads her video to YouTube and wipes out pretty much everybody.

@

I hate being bipolar it’s awesome

@Donna_McCoy

[first date]

Him: *dips chip into salsa rather than scooping*

Me: *gets up and leaves*

(…comes back, grabs salsa bowl, leaves for real)

@CruelMeiga

I just finished a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn’t mine.

@Area51eh

LOL pills that say don’t take with alcohol. Ok Doc, how do YOU
suggest I take my medication then?