He was a t8er boi. My little potato boi
You Might Also Like
U U U U U U
An American’s tile rack after a Scrabble game.
Oh, you have ‘haterz.’
Congratulations. I have lovers. And the ability to spell.
I napped the entire afternoon away.
I still feel like garbage but at least I’m well-rested garbage.
Not sure of the logistics yet on how to include this in my last will & testament, but I’d like to stage a “coffin flop” for my funeral
Be the reason why the lights flicker & the temperature drops when you enter a room.
always humbling that plants that survived whatever killed the dinosaurs cannot survive two weeks under my car
If I could make water into wine, I’d probably stumble out of a cave 3 days later too.
I will never get tired of listening to Whitney Houston clearing Wendy Williams on air 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Daughter didn’t want “sunscream” so I put her outside and yelled “SUN…. GET HER” and now she’s flipping out.
Mothra: [flying around]
Godzilla: [waving a rolled up magazine]
[cannibal restaurant]
server: hi, who’ll you have?
cannibal: just bring me the Bill
Q: What did the Square say to the Rhombus?
A: If it is not a Right Angle it is a Wrong Angle.
You mean I spent 9 months making this small human just so she can eat all the good snacks?
James Blunt: you’re beautiful
James Blunter: I’ve seen better
[ At the ball ]
Prince Charming: are you ok Cinderella?
Cinderella: no, my stomach is upset. I think I need to go to the bathroom.
Prince Charmin: I’ll take it from here, bro
I’ll stick with papa johns 🤣🤣🤣
It’s like my Grandma always says, “I died three years ago. This is starting to get weird.”
She argues in Italian
She sings to you in French
She yells at you in German
In tones that make you clench
The girl is complicated
And very hard to please
When you disappoint her
She
Hey girl, Did you fall from heaven? Because it looks like you landed on your face.
An Ontario woman completed a 40,000 piece puzzle, one of the largest in the world. And she’s VERY pissed no one told her the pandemic is over.
For anyone who says parents can’t have Friday night fun, I’m at Target right now buying toilet paper.
So, yeah, you’re right.
Dear bill collectors, if you want me to answer the phone, instead of “no caller ID” try something like “free shoes”
hot instagram model girl: before each workout i always drink this
me: [laying in bed covered in crumbs] im gonna buy that
Tried a sample of rosemary mint body wash today and now I smell like a very clean roast chicken.
CNN: The boy who cried Breaking News.
Stop acting like you’ve never seen someone with a pocket full of chicken nuggets before 🙄
As a little girl I dreamt of being Belle so I could have that beautiful yellow gown- As a grown woman I want to be Belle so I can be locked away in an enchanted castle where the dishes clean themselves.
Sombrero is better than nobrero.
*sees hot guy
*wiggles eyebrows
*licks lips
*winks, contact lens falls into coffee, sips coffee, gags on contact lens*mouths* “call me”