I posted a selfie and someone commented “Oh my! That was brave.”.
If you find a pill on the floor of a public restroom, rinse it off before taking it.
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“PARTY FOWL” someone yelled as the drunk duck did another keg stand
[Mulder softly whispering “I want to” at every exhibit in the Ripley’s Believe It or Not Museum.]
Hey girl, before I come over, did you say you were in a jacuzzi or the yakuza?
My interior decorator quit on her first day on the job.
I told her to paint all the walls in my house to be green screens.
me: *stepping out of a time machine* I hope I didn’t change anything
t-rex wearing a little lab coat: me too
Movie Trivia: Cloverfield was just Khloe Kardashian on a shopping trip in New York
On this day eleven years ago, Greece won Euro 2004.
Today, Greece would be happy with 2004 Euros.
Are you eating Jell-O?
You know what gelatin is made from, right?
Cow: “No, what?”
Uh. Rainbows. Enjoy, buddy.
Don’t ask me for directions
I got lost on an elevator once.