@ozzyunc

Hell hath no fury like a cat reminded there’s food in their bowl.

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@rn_murse

my life really started to turn around once i had a microwave installed in the bathroom

@FatherWithTwins

Hell hath no fury like a 5yo who didn’t get as many pepperoni pieces on his pizza slice as his brother.

@SIMONLAUGHS

this is me not knowing my powerpoint presentation was not showing up on the screen but my wallpaper instead

@tastefactory

Let’s all smash our hands together repeatedly to indicate that we enjoyed that thing.

@AmishPornStar1

Financial Tip: When laundering money, always separate the bills from the coins and use the delicate cycle with a gentle detergent.

@deloisivete

🎶 Never gonna get you out
Never gonna heat you up
Never gonna remember I wanted to eat you

-me, putting leftovers away in the fridge

@murrman5

*walks in house wearing a large neck brace*
oh no, what happened?
“my earbud cord got caught on a chair while I was walking”

@SortaBad

Age 15: I wanna live in a mansion
Age 25: Ok a big house, in a nice neighborhood
Age 35: *googles ‘Best Months to Live Outside’*