@mrtruthandsoul
@RejectedRedhead I like my ex’s like I like my coffee…
Ground up and in the freezer
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@RejectedRedhead 
@clemdytan I shot my first Turkey today. Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section, it was awesome!
@Crunch11b I live 30 feet from my mother-in-law, Hell holds no surprises.
@Haggis_20 *boyfriend and girlfriend in shower*
Girl: do bad things to me babe
Boy: *flicks shampoo in her eyes and trips her over*
@DzNuutz Heard the local weatherman say, “high in the thirties” & now I know the title to my autobiography.
@trevso_electric Guantanamo Bae
@GreenScoundrel Now that I’m on Twitter, I can finally put that English degree I obtained to some use…
@GreenishDuck This is your brain.
*holds up a brain*
And this is your brain on drugs.
*holds up a brain wearing a weird hat and a scarf*
@UncleDuke1969 “I’m going to work.”
“Okay.”
“Will you miss me?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Gee, don’t sound so heartbroken.”
“NO! PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME!!”
“Now you’re just being patronizing.”
“What is it you want from me, Sue?”
@aneesa_p First rule of brown girl club: Don’t wear pink & white striped shirts; you’ll look like Neopolitan ice cream.