@kelkulus

Help your friends diet by replacing the light in their fridge with an air horn.

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@wildethingy

“I loves hows you’ve done me spinach Doc!” Popeye tells his host.

Hannibal winks. “The secret is to add a bit of Olive Oil.”

@CaryChow_

I did it! I found the worst thing on the internet. A combination of so much awful.

@dave_cactus

ME: *robbing bank* More like, I’m BANKing on you not tripping the alarm! Haha!
TELLER: Haha!
COPS: *tackling me from behind* Haha!

@murrman5

*takes your order*
*goes to kitchen*
*comes back*
“did you say grilled cheese or gorilla cheese?”
grilled
*sighs*
*goes to kitchen*

@HenpeckedHal

We installed those slam-proof bumpers on all of our doors. My kids’ fingers are safe, but I have no way of knowing when my wife is mad at me.

@mrtruthandsoul

I wonder how many times Batman had to rub one out in the Batmobile after fighting with Catwoman