IF A CAN OPENER DOESN’T WORK IS IT CALLED A CAN’T OPENER
Her: All the men have jackets on. Why didnt you wear the sports jacket I got you?
Me: You bought me a ski jacket
Her: Skiing is a sport!
You Might Also Like
[bird watching] when’s the yellow one gonna teach me the alphabet
Today i convinced my brother for a full minute that the Beatles wrote “blackbird” about Batman
My dad had a good idea. Sometimes when cars drive by your house they honk at you. But you can’t respond. That’s where House Horn comes in
Him: Let’s take the stairs!
Me: I think we should see other people.
I drank so much Mt. Dew my taste buds turned into tase bros.
Wife: Hey *waking me up* you got really drunk last night
Me: You can’t prove that
Taco Bell employee: No we can
cant sleep because i keep thinking about the time i went into my garage and saw a raccoon holding a pen correctly
A faceplant is the ultimate fusion cuisine
My husband is in the other room explaining to the cat that even tho we are going to bed early, he (the cat) is welcome to stay up