[David Attenborough narrating my life]
Once again the young offspring attempts to leave the nest. Once again he has flown into a wall
Here at the Southern Cannibal Buffet, it’s y’all you can eat!™️
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Please God, let the weather be nice for my picnic. There are 7 billion people on this planet. Many starving. Please hear my picnic prayer.
“PARTY FOWL” someone yelled as the drunk duck did another keg stand
“Oooo, a window. Let’s see if I can fly through it.” – Dumbass birds
People who hum in public must be blissfully unaware of how close to death they are at all times
hm so saying “oh god” and “oh yes” during sex is acceptable and encouraged but as soon as i say “oh text RESIST to 50409 to support net neutrality” im suddenly ruining the mood??
Was looking at smoking pipes on Amazon & realized that CW could look at my history.So,I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Tried to challenge the guy in the stall next to me to a thumb war, now he’s holding my hand & crying about his childhood.
I need to wipe.
[date started at 9 pm]
[9:30 pm] Her: I love long awkward silences.
[10:20 pm] Me: Me too.
Planning to edit the three Hobbit movies into one watchable movie. Should I use Instagram or Vine?