@ADHDeanASL

Here at the Southern Cannibal Buffet, it’s y’all you can eat!™️

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@5hael

[David Attenborough narrating my life]

Once again the young offspring attempts to leave the nest. Once again he has flown into a wall

@ariscott

Please God, let the weather be nice for my picnic. There are 7 billion people on this planet. Many starving. Please hear my picnic prayer.

@iAmJuddy

“Oooo, a window. Let’s see if I can fly through it.” – Dumbass birds

@junejuly12

People who hum in public must be blissfully unaware of how close to death they are at all times

@bobvulfov

hm so saying “oh god” and “oh yes” during sex is acceptable and encouraged but as soon as i say “oh text RESIST to 50409 to support net neutrality” im suddenly ruining the mood??

@1AIMMadellynne

Was looking at smoking pipes on Amazon & realized that CW could look at my history.So,I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.

@SabotagedSmoke

Tried to challenge the guy in the stall next to me to a thumb war, now he’s holding my hand & crying about his childhood.

I need to wipe.

@CerebralWreck

[date started at 9 pm]

[9:30 pm] Her: I love long awkward silences.

[10:20 pm] Me: Me too.

@johnroderick

Planning to edit the three Hobbit movies into one watchable movie. Should I use Instagram or Vine?