[reading The Night Before Christmas]
son: what’s a kerchief?
daughter: what’s a clatter?
son: what’s a sash?
daughter: what are coursers?
son: what’s soot?
daughter: what’s a peddler?
son: what’s a thistle?
me: *closing book* Santa is fake. It’s all fake. Goodnight.
He’s taking you for granted? Act differently. Do something spontaneous. Spice things up. Sleep with his friend.
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Me: Bring me a dictionary
*Smack up side the head
Me: Now go google that shit
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Me: Wait, what – even macaroni & cheese?
Me: …I think we should see other people.