@envydatropic My neighbors just got new wind chimes. Guess who is going to have their wind chimes stolen tonight?
@Try2StopME Hey, girl at the gym that keeps moving to the opposite corner every time I get on the machine next to you, yes, I feel the chemistry too.
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@envydatropic 
@JediGigi OMG MOM SHUT UP IM TRYING TO SUMMON THE DARK LORD TO PLAY SCRABBLE YES I WANT A HAM OMELETTE
@Proxic0n [Twister]
DOG 1: left paw green
DOG 2: i told u this was a terrible idea
DOG 1: cmon Jim just pick the green one
DOG 2: THEYRE ALL GREY GARY
@AZHORSEMOM77 I act really tough for a person who spent $40 on cookies I dont like because a girl scout was crying
@empressofsong I am open to suggestions, comments, or glowing praise followed by many exclamation points.
@KatieDeal99 When I was 22 I’d stay up late and wake up early just so I could fit more in my day
Now if there’s more than 2 things on my agenda I need a nap
@_Justin_Stepien sometimes I fill up my bathtub with spaghetti sauce and sit in it and pretend I’m a meatball
@jzux why do people get so upset about bad haircuts. name one other problem that resolves itself quietly over time while you wait
@StrangestMedia 
@kelkulus I’m stuck in a meeting where a guy keeps saying “utilize” and “leverage” and I’m wondering if I should tell him about the word “use”.