hey ther delilah wats it like in gotham city
is the joker stil in jail–
i mean yes babe u look so prety yes u do
batman is not a cool as u

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Bloody Foreigner, coming over here, wanting to know what love is.


Obama: Hello Amer-
*feels a tug on his suit coat*
What Joe??
Biden: What color should the lion be?
Biden: I’m using green. *giggles*


What’s large, black and steals your credit cards?

Sony Playstation


I ordered a pair of shoes delivered to my house. I’m too excited to wait at home so I’m camping out at the end of my street. Send snacks?


When you’re in the hospital on morphine, a fun game to play is “were my eyes closed for 20 seconds or 2 hours”


Fridge smart enough to tell me l left the door open but too lаzy to just close it for me. Worthless.


Is a person diagnosed with a Multiple Personality Disorder able to get a group rate from their therapist? Just asking for some friends.


So many Jehovah’s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah’s Evidence.