Hipsters is what happens when you tell every child they’re special.

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Like anyone has time to sit there and read 12,412 product reviews on Amazon.

[8 hours later]

Yeah, I’m def not buying this pillow.


My autobiography will be a single piece of paper that says ‘Ugh’


If Zombies ever switch to eating souls, I’ll have the last laugh on everyone whoever made fun of me for being a Ginger


An Ohio judge ruled gay marriage legal, as long as the person is dead, proving that the slippery slope now includes gay necrophila.


Music Royalty Succession Chart

Duke Ellington
Steve Earle
Lady Gaga
Sir Mix-a-Lot


if i heard the mario coin sound whenever i completed a task maybe i’d accomplish more


Every year, falling coconuts kill more people than shark attacks, but the families of the shark victims are less embarrassed.


There’s no “i” in team. Unless you’re illiterate. Then there’s an “i” in everything. More creim in mi cofii pleis


Actually Jennifer, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend


I can’t wait until we don’t have to wear masks, because I’m having a hard time deciphering the level of disappointment in the face of the woman I’m talking to.