The secret to sustaining a happy marriage is to keep the mystery alive. So tonight I decided to clean something unexpectedly.
*holds flashlight up to face*
When I was a kid, most pop tarts came unfrosted.
*3 millennials faint, 2 vomit*
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Mario! Are you coming to save me from Bowser’s Castle?
PEACH I MIGHT BE
passion fruit: i had a wild date last night, what did you do?
jackfruit: oh nothing
I’d let you be the reason my cheeks blush.. All four of them
I would make an awesome panda because I too excel at looking adorable while doing nothing.
[phone w/ fiancé]
Hey, I can still pick whatever suit I like for the wedding right?
“As long as its black, why?”
*wearing batsuit* No reason
how am i supposed to keep up with what day it is when it changes every 24 hours
Poor superman.he can’t go commando without the whole world noticing
Judge 1: No, sir, wait until we tell-
Judge 2: I mean, he’s not wrong
When l feel sick in public, l get closer to the people who annoy me. If I have to vomit, I want to make it count.