how are we gonna sell our car this year? how about a commercial where the car is driving around on roads. great work everyone time for lunch

You Might Also Like


If I was a witch, I’d curse you to have to wear tight jeans to Thanksgiving dinner.


You knock on the melon to test freshness but something knocks back


Fellas, here’s a flirting tip: If a girl plays with her hair while taking to you, it means she has lice and you should stay away from her.


When I tickle my imaginary friend, people think Im casting spells


Kids don’t scare me cause their little arms aren’t strong enough to swing a chainsaw.


*Sits straight up in bed*

*Kids are sitting in the produce department while two watermelons sleep peacefully in their beds*


Great. Only a single slice of bread left in the bag. That means until I find another slice, everything that happens today is in the sandwich


Date : So you’re the youngest of three?
Me : Yep, my parents are both older.


My kid just tried to win an argument with “Because I said so” and I had to break it to him that only parents get to win by saying that.


If you see your ex, wrap your hands behind your neck and pretend you’re making out with someone. That’ll show him you’re still crazy AF.