@sbellelauren

how dare you call me when dogs 101 is on

You Might Also Like

@AndyRichter

In all honesty, my new dating service, “Well You’re Not So Great Yourself” hasn’t really taken off like I’d hoped.

@ThisOneSayz

Maid of Honor speeches shouldn’t end with, “I’ll see you all at her next one.” I know that now.

@Cheeseboy22

Sure, you women *say* you don’t need men anymore. But just wait until we start packaging tampons in tightly sealed jars.

@1evilidiot

You people that are getting sex regularly either need to keep that shit to yourselves or be more descriptive.

@TheAlexP

[at specialist office]

Service desk: witch doctor are you here to see?

Me: I’m here for…did you just say witch doctor?

SD: no

M: you sure?

SD: *shakes skeleton head maracas behind desk* no

@Clanopath

If she’s not ruining your life…..She’s just not that into you.

@JayMindX

“Calzone” is just an Italian word to make you feel better about eating a Hot Pocket in public.