No, you hang up first.
Me to Pizza Hut
How depressed are you on a scale from 1 to “regularly visits song lyrics websites”?
You Might Also Like
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101.
Today’s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you’re here now, you failed.
me: could my thighs get any bigger? *sits down* me: oh look now they’re the size of Australia
I needed a break from stupidity so I left work early.
I’m so hungry I could eat a hor—
*horse walks by snorting aggressively*
*horticulturalist pops up trimming hedge aggressively*
After decorating the house, I spilled cheap vodka on some glitter and dirt I was sweeping up.
Now, my house looks like Ke$ha.
I’m a bad influence on myself.
the holes in my logic are there so it can breathe
Next time a dude says “Pictures or it didn’t happen”, punch them in the throat, take a pic, and tell a story about a guy you throat punched.
me: spell “Fanshaw”