
No, you hang up first.
Me to Pizza Hut
No, you hang up first.
Me to Pizza Hut
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101.
Today’s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you’re here now, you failed.
me: could my thighs get any bigger? *sits down* me: oh look now they’re the size of Australia
I needed a break from stupidity so I left work early.
I’m so hungry I could eat a hor—
*horse walks by snorting aggressively*
ticulturalist
*horticulturalist pops up trimming hedge aggressively*
After decorating the house, I spilled cheap vodka on some glitter and dirt I was sweeping up.
Now, my house looks like Ke$ha.
I’m a bad influence on myself.
the holes in my logic are there so it can breathe
Next time a dude says “Pictures or it didn’t happen”, punch them in the throat, take a pic, and tell a story about a guy you throat punched.
me: spell “Fanshaw”
British person: