How do you say “I’m sorry I got you pregnant, but my plane leaves in an hour. I might visit the baby one day.” in Korean?

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*calls mom*
“Ma I made 3 friends on twitter today”
*long pause*
*mom stares at 3 fake twitter accounts she made, fights tears*


axl rose is morphing more and more into elon musk and i am uncomfortable


I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don’t know if they’re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.


There were over 14,000 wars before McDonalds launched the Dollar Menu. Since launching it, there’s only been 32. Those are just the facts.


Her: how are you
Me: good
Her: you sure?
Me: yup
Her: you’re alright?
Me: yes..
Her: really?
Her: are y–
Me: people like you go missing


Awwww, your kids sound like they are still adorable. My kids are teenagers. They make “yo mama” jokes and then look over at me nervously.


*Opens freezer*
Yo ice! Whatchu upto?
“Just chillin.”
“Drunk again huh?”


If she’s not ruining your life…..She’s just not that into you.