some things should go without saying
How long do you have to work at KFC before they make you a colonel?
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My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don’t have to shovel snow this weekend.
I’d run a marathon but I don’t know if I can handle the commitment. I mean a lifetime of telling every person you meet you ran a marathon?
.I’m a woman. Sometimes I want you to hold me while I sleep and sometimes I want you to shove my panties in my mouth. It’s complicated.
My ex is fat!!! Yay…I win!!!
It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m quite busy.
I hate reality shows. Like this one, for instance, called “The News.”
I haven’t swam competitively since I was a sperm.
“Let the chips fall where they may.”
-My kids when they’re eating chips on the couch.
They said I’d have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding my prince. I never found him, but I did find out I’m REALLY into frogs.