@LackOfShame
@polychromatik I can’t stand people who are indirect
You know who you are
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@polychromatik 
@Overdue_Bills A worm is a pretty shitty prize for getting up early if you ask me.
@StevieKnip What idiot called him Steve Jobs instead of Mac Daddy
@Cnelson019Carol Based on my hair this morning . I think I might be a muppet .
@tealbluejay Putting clothes on an animal is like putting on an overcoat over your overcoat.
@JussMemez When you’re shopping with your mom and accidently lose track of her
@NYC_Blonde You know that episode of Friends where Joey tries to speak French? That’s what I hear when watching the State of the Union Address
@BlondAmbitionTO All movies about zombies are Easter movies because of resurrection.
@TheTimmyToes “YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?” – guy that just got a new kite for his birthday
@fro_vo Friend Who I Haven’t Seen in a While: your kid’s gotten so big! what is he, four?
Me: i have no idea what he’s for