How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966): A hermit living within his means is ultimately corrupted by the power of consumerism.
You Might Also Like
Me: Accept your flaws. You’ll feel better. It worked for me.
Her: You accepted your flaws?
Me: No. I accepted your flaws.
“I want to emphasize this paragraph in my email, but putting it in italics doesn’t seem like enough so I’ll also underline it and put it in boldface, a different font and a different color.” -psychopaths
Me: Sex?
Wife: Sure.
Me: Really? Just like that?
Wife: Yep.
Me: …never mind.
I don’t know what she’s up to, but I don’t like it.
Her: so yesterday, I was sweeping—
Me: must be the season of the witch LMAO
Her: ugh that is IT *turns me into a newt*
My husband told me I cheated on him in his dream.
The best response was not “Was he hot?”
I know this now.
you’re fasting for lent, I’m furiousing for lent; we are not the same
me: am I awake or dreaming
a giant dragonfly, setting down his tea cup: honestly idk what this is
“I’m here for the hookers and the booze!!!”
“Sir, this is a library.”
*whispers… “I’m here for the hookers and the booze.”
I learned about self care from watching my cat.
My mom has more confidence in the people of Oak Island finding the treasure than me finding another husband
***TRAVEL NEWS***
A truckload of E45 has overturned on its way to Sam from Cheers’ house. Agnetha from ABBA happened to be passing, so is helping to clear up the mess with a shovel.
See that girl.
Watch that scene.
Diggin’ the Danson cream.
[sketchy parking lot]
stranger: hey man, can you jump my car?
me: maybe if i get a running start
Laying a trap for my boyfriend by asking him if he thinks I look too skinny
Kids today will never know the joy of being selected to go outside to dust the erasers.
Why do animals in Lion King worship Simba? Do they not know they are food?
I got a flu shot yesterday but have not started flying. It’s a bit misleading.
Kudos to Backstreet boys, they really did straight up make a song that lasted almost 5 minutes about the fact that they were back.
• Birds suddenly appear.
• Every time you are near.
• Long to be close to you.Conclusion: you are a statue
Me: What would it take for you to get into the same water tank with a giant phantom jellyfish?
Her: A lot. I’m pretty spineless when it comes to such things.
We found love in a hopeless place.
Ate an entire pool noodle all by myself.
Elba: Bond. James Bond.
Villain: yeah but where are you ACTUALLY from though?
I wonder who pays the electric bill for the light at the end of the tunnel.
[people leaving the reading of my last will and testament]
why did he have so many tamagotchis
The weatherman keeps saying we are getting a pounding.
*Followed*
Cartoons falsely taught me to expect encountering an unimaginable amount of anvils in my day to day life
You girls were right about these yoga pants. I have never been more comfortable eating a bucket of extra crispy.
CITY PLANNER: what should we call the paved path next to the street
CRAB: i have an idea
Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this thanksgiving party started.
The most romantic restaurant in the world is not as dimly lit as the operating room on a TV medical drama.