How the hell did Charles Manson get like 16 people to murder for him? I can’t even get two kids to brush their teeth.

You Might Also Like


[police lineup]
VICTIM: That’s him! The dopey fat guy in the middle.
COP: We haven’t started yet. That’s your own reflection in the glass.


[radioshack meeting]

employee: sir, overall sales are really low.

CEO: when did we start selling overalls, bro?


[picks up date]
*slides over hood of car* *slides off car onto another car* *slides off that one onto another car* *date looks at her watch*


The overwhelming urge to stick my finger in queso every time I see some is why I could never work at a Mexican restaurant.


I should probably just learn a skill instead of waiting around for a malevolent spirit to take over my consciousness or whatever.


Whatever happened to that little girl from The Ring, did she grow up to be Kristen Stewart?


Homosexuality was still classified as an illness in Sweden in 1979. Swedes protested by calling in sick to work saying they felt gay.



HER: Any hobbies?

ME: I collect old comics

HER: Oh! Like 1st editions?

ME: [flashback to Billy Crystal tied up in basement] Sure