@ericsshadow

How to cure a headache

1. Drink a glass of water.
2. Take 10 deep breathes.
3. Give headache your credit card & tell her to go to the mall.

You Might Also Like

@Elizasoul80

I can’t believe I live in a world where our only defense against a blizzard is buying extra milk.

@Michael1979

VERY ANNOYED. My enemy keeps playing Hulk Hogan’s theme song b4 I enter rooms. People then expect Hulk Hogan & are disappointed when it’s me

@fro_vo

“hey what’s that sqiggly thing on the ground?”
“i don’t know, it looks kinda like a w or m”

— how the worm got its name

@NatashaNat24

The body is 70% water..

So cool, you’re not fat you’re just flooded..

@PlopWaffle

Date : So you’re the youngest of three?
Me : Yep, my parents are both older.

@MoistPork

Just once, I’d ike a cop to pull me over and tell me how great I’m driving, especially considering I’ve had 12 beers.

@Book_Krazy

Seems like everybody is wishing to find that special someone in their life, and I’m just over here wishing I could eat without getting fat

@LnL245

I secretly gave our Waffle House waitress a $100 tip and my family can’t figure out why she’s crying & hugging me & trying to get in our car

@bornmiserable

[me, at Hot Topic] ah yes, bring me your hottest topics, my good man