PET PEEVE: Why do we call them baby names? They’re HUMAN NAMES. They don’t expire as you grow up.
How to fall downstairs……
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I was going to eat a healthy snack, then I remembered that time when Eve ate an apple. Figured, it’s better not risk it.
Customer: Excuse me, are you the manager? Those Xmas Hams are expired
[changes sign to “Vintage Hams”]
Hipster: I’ll take 4
Rey: I want to be your Jedi student.
Me: Did you hear what happened to all my other Jedi students?
Me: Good. Let’s get started.
Hubs and I have fought so much lately I’ve lost 10 lbs. I thought about leaving him, but I’d like to lose another 10 lbs first.
I wonder if the people who camp out in front of stores for Black Friday sales realize there are online sales too.
Do the things that bring you joy. Bake cookies. Take walks along the beach at sunset. Drink the blood of your enemies as part of an ancient incantation that opens a portal to the Underworld. Sing like no one can hear you.
I love the smell of a camp fire. It reminds me of the night we kille….
…..I just love smell of campfires.
A chameleon and a ninja walk into a bar.
Neither one can get the bartender’s attention.
If you need a smile today, here’s a wonderful outtake with Robin Williams and Elmo 😂❤️