@STRIKINGxVIKING

How to get a job on Game of Thrones:

Q: Can you act?

A: Sorta

Q: Will you get naked?

A: Yes

HIRED!

You Might Also Like

@ThisRebelSoul

Supposed to leave for vacation in 5 minutes. Somehow, the clothes I need to pack that I threw in the washer an hour ago, aren’t ready.

@Chhapiness

My wife’s upset at me I’m going to cheer her up and ask 9YO to play hot cross buns on the recorder

@ch000ch

[ouija board] hi grandma, i hope your in heaven and i love you
“..y..o..u..’r..e..”

@TheAndrewNadeau

SOCRATES: The only thing I know is that I know nothing.
ME: Aw, hey, don’t say that. You know things.
SOCRATES: No, I meant—
ME: If you want I can teach you some stuff.
SOCRATES:
ME:
SOCRATES:
ME: *Points* That’s a tree.

@mdob11

[waiting for elevator]
Coworker: Hey, how’s it go-
Me: I’ll take the stairs.

@AshleyAlready

Will Smith isn’t special. I’m not invited to the Oscars for the next ten years either.