How to get out of a car in front of a large crowd of people

Step 1: forget to take your seat belt off

You Might Also Like


To the person that put “SMILE” as their name on the printer… I will not!! In fact, I will hunt you down and force you to watch me frown.


Stop calling women wild and fierce, unless they’ve bitten someone.


I can tell exactly how much someone weighs by how much noise they make when I push them down the stairs.


*orders pepperoni pizza*

Her: you need to start taking better care of yourself.

*calls back, adds mushrooms*


My parties got a hundred times better when I realized if I didn’t invite anybody I could eat all the snacks.